


Alastor’s blooming wife

by Dweeb_butt



Category: Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss
Genre: F/M, Multi, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27382408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dweeb_butt/pseuds/Dweeb_butt
Summary: Alastor introduces his wife
Relationships: Oc/Alastor, oc/Millie/moxxie
Kudos: 5





	Alastor’s blooming wife

Angel dust and Alastor were having drinks at the hotel bar. Angel dust , being a gay sex addict stereotype that he is, kept making sex jokes at the cannibal who has repeatedly told him his a sex replushed asexual.

“Oh Angel, you should know I am a married man”

Angel eyes went wide, sure Alastor was a hot red knock off of the Lorax villain , but who the fuck would marry him?

“Wait shit, really?”

The door bell rang

“Yes, in fact I believe that would be here right now”

Alastor went straight to the door, as if by super speed and slowly opened the door to show everyone who were totally there this whole time his beautiful and wonderful wife.

Everyone just stared at her.

Charlie was the one to break the silence.

“Alastor…. that’s a potted plant”

“I know”

“A ficus plant”

“I am aware”

“.... is it normal for humans to marry planets Va-“

“No, no it isn’t” Vaggie cut her gf off , in total confusion .

“You’re fucking with us right?” Husk said, opening his 8th bottle of whiskey.

“100% honesty here”

“.... how do you fuck it?” Angel raised his eyebrows.

“ANGEL!” Charlie yelled as she gestured to the spider demon to shush it.

“No no no it’s fine, I’m glad he asked” Alastor's smile seemed genuine for once “the simple answer is : I don’t. I have no sexual desires, I don’t have sexual intercourse and if I would describe my ideal romantic partner , Charlie here would kill everyone in hell and then commit suicide!”

“Uhhhhh” 

Charlie kept wondering what on Earth the deer man meant by his words and Vaggie stepped forward.

“Ok, but WHY?”

“Easy my dear Latino moth goth: People in hell are oddly respectful on the topic of marriage!”

Angel chuckled “doubt it.

Then an actual Angel kills Alastor cause this is a troll fic and apparently saying “I don’t like how the fictional cannibal soft side is written” is proof I am a dipshit and a red flag who doesn’t believe people can change.

No one mourned the cherry pimp. Alastor’s ex wife and got involved in a threesome with Millie and Moxxie, Blitzo is jealous. The end

**Author's Note:**

> This is a troll fic, if that wasn’t obvious


End file.
